


Learn To Love Again.

by sourbunnywolf



Category: Reign (TV)
Genre: Angst, Bonding, Caring, Crying, Declarations Of Love, Emotional, Emotional Baggage, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Feels, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Love, Male-Female Friendship, Platonic Female/Male Relationships, Requited Love, Sad, Sexual Tension, Travel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-06
Updated: 2014-09-14
Packaged: 2018-01-14 20:41:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1278262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sourbunnywolf/pseuds/sourbunnywolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Set a bit after 1x13; After Mary found out about Lola and Francis, she ordered Lola to leave court, however Sebastian had left as well. Both needed to tend to their wounds, but will they be able to find each other? Or will Lola travel back to Paris to search for her brother? </p><p>(Lola will not be pregnant; maybe just a scare.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"With Francis? How could you, Lola? I...think it best if you left court for a while."

Lola couldn't say a word to her Queen, she just bowed her head, and then turned to leave the room. Her face was hot with embarrassment, she couldn't blame anyone for what had transpired, however it still hurt just as much. She knew that it shouldn't have happened, yet it did, and she couldn't take back that morning. It wasn't like Mary could really do anything now, she was married off to Francis, so most of her anger was directed at her betrayal. Even though, they both didn't think they would return back, or see any of these people again. In the end though, she still managed to end up in that place, she was leaving court, and she wasn't too sure when she would return to it. How long was the appropriate amount of time to give Mary to cool down from finding out what they had done?

As she walked down the hallway, she felt eyes upon her, which didn't help the shame that coursed through her frame. What would the other girls think of her now? Would she ever be able to marry a suitable man? Virtue was an important thing, and that was one thing she didn't have anymore, not that she regretted giving it away. Colin was something she loved deeply, and would had hoped to eventually marry, so it really didn't matter if she gave him her purity. It was his to have from the moment she saw him. Thinking about him made her feel even worse, there was a small part of her that wished he never came to France, and instead of figuring out where she was to go now, she could return to Scotland, and back in to Colin's arms. Not that this thing with Francis would have happened, but she could have left court to go visit him for a bit, to have a breather from all the politics.

Things now were far more complicated then anticipated, Mary was wed to Sebastian, but now she was married to Francis. It had been her choice, of course. But was that fair to Sebastian? He had truly believed in their union, and she could easily look at him, and see that look of love written on his face. It was one she had seen many a time when she was with Colin. If only she could see that face again, to tell Colin of her woes, and have him hold her, like he did in the past. Her arms wrapped around her middle while she went into the brilliant sunlight; it felt warm outside, however all Lola felt was cold. Cold, and so very alone.

  
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It had been half a day, and Lola found herself near a forest, she hadn't stopped riding, but she was a horrible rider, so she had to stop for a few moments. It reminded her of her time with Francis, he wasn't as bad as some people said, he perhaps didn't make the right choices, but maybe one day Mary will be there to assist him, if need be.Lola gently pulled her horse toward a tree, she needed to sit down, because she was feeling unwell. She blamed it on the ride, as well as all the emotions stirring within her. She knew that he needed to sleep, she couldn't though. How could she when her whole world was crumbling around her?

She lost her best friends, she was alone, and didn't know what to do with herself. Her back moved to rest against the bark, then she slid down to place her face into her hands. She was alone, so nobody would ask after her. Nobody would care if she wept for a few moments. She felt it building up, and she choked it back for so long. Colin, Mary, Francis, and everyone else crippled her. She was the strong one, except all she felt was weak. Pressing her lips together, she tried to hold back the tears, but one had slipped out, falling down her cheek. No point really, she thought to herself. She lost all that she cared for, and it was probably her fault.

Before she knew it, sobs wracked her frame, her shoulders moving up and down while her tears tracked her skin. Now she could mourn all her losses, all of that pain she had kept from everyone. It wasn't like she could share with anyone, she was Mary's Lady, she had her duty to serve her. She came second to her Queen, so speaking to her would only be selfish. And now, she couldn't stop weeping, once she had started, it just kept coming. She needed to move, to continue on to her destination, however she couldn't stop the flow of tears. It was as if, it was neverending. As if, she had so much sadness to let out, and she did. She never properly mourned her love, never allowed herself to feel. She was a Lady, it was her job to be there for the Queen.

She couldn't hear the twigs breaking in the background, the only thing that she heard was the sounds of her sobbing, as well as the sound of her heart breaking into a million pieces. It was shattering, and all Lola wished was to rest her head, just sleep for a little bit to allow herself to forget everything that had happened to her. If only, she could get up from her place against the tree, but she hadn't the strength to move, nor did she want to. The noises got closer to Lola, until it was right beside her.

This person had stopped to look down at the broken girl before them, and they studied her for a moment. Their expression turning sad, lips pressed together while eyebrows knit, and a sigh escaped their lips. They had heard the sobbing from not far off, and wanted to inspect what was going on, if they needed to see if someone was hurt. The raven tresses looked familiar to them, but they couldn't be certain it was who they thought it was. Tilting their head to the side, they tried to take that moment to figure out who was beneath them. This young girl was clearly from court, so they should know who it is. Had them seem them recently enough to pinpoint from their clothes? Not many of the ladies had dark curls, such as these. Ah, they were hard to miss, and hard to forget.

"Lady Lola?"

That voice, it was one that she had known from court, the one that had complimented her so effortlessly. It made her forget for a moment in time, that she was this broken shell of the woman in possibly need of rescuing. She was no damsel in distress, however. She was a strong young lady, who could easily take care of herself. So, why was she here, hearing her name said so softly, like the person was afraid on crumbling what little was left of her? She felt arms around her, gingerly picking her up, and eyes so blue, you could get lost in them. She stared up in his Sebastian's face, staring with knit eyebrows, then a blush so red covered the paleness of her cheeks. The shame coursed through her again, and she attempted to bring her hands to her face to cover her embarrassment, but Bash just shook his head as he dragged his thumb over her cheek to wipe away her tears.

"A beautiful lady such as yourself, should not be alone out here. Whatever is the matter?"

Lola studied Sebastian face for a moment, she could see what he himself tried to hide, there was a sadness in his eyes that he couldn't hide from her. She knew that loss, and he just lost Mary to his brother, Francis. But also, there was an acceptance, he already knew that he wouldn't win Mary's affections, and he knew that Mary loved Francis more than she loved him. When she finally spoke to him, her voice was soft, and hopefully soothing to his ears. She didn't feel pity, she just felt weary, just like Bash probably did. They understood one another far more than they realized. And here both of them were, away from court, after watching people they cared for lose themselves in each other. Lola didn't realize that watching Francis would cause a pain to shoot through her heart, not that it was the same as Bash's pain, however, it was strange to watch him with her best friend, knowing what they had done.


	2. Chapter 2

"Please, Sebastian. Don't worry about me, I am fine. Just exhausted. I'm a very bad rider."

Lola tried to make light of the situation, but Bash knew better. He still had this woman in his grasp, and he could feel the tremors coming from her. She was shaking with exhaustion, yes. But there was more to it than that, she obviously had been through an ordeal, and Sebastian wasn't sure what had happened. Something terrible must have happened back at court. All he could do was bring her closer to himself, to embrace her, to warm her, and just to comfort her. Beyond that, he felt a connection to Lola, and it brought a form a comfort to him as well.

"Nonsense, my Lady. I will escort you to the nearest inn, and I will take proper care of you."

After giving her a smile, her put his arm around her, as well as his riding cape. She was already wearing one, but perhaps it was further aid her into saying what was bothering her. She needed to know that she could trust him, he wouldn't tell a soul. He was now a bastard again, no one would care much for what he would say, especially since they all probably didn't think highly of him reaching for the throne. He guided her to his horse, since she had said that she wasn't a good rider, he would put her behind him. She needed the rest, and he was an experienced rider , so it worked out for both of them. Plus, he was sure that caring for one of Mary's ladies would score him some points with her. Not that he would try anything, but perhaps it would show that he wasn't such a horrible bastard after all.

She didn't fight him, she had no fight left. She just wished for all this to go away, and on top of that, she continued to feel ill. Perhaps exerting too much energy was taking its toll on her. She wouldn't say a word though, no need to cause any more fuss, than she already had. Sebastian was clearly on his way somewhere, and it made her curious. She knew all about his feelings for Mary, but did they ask him to leave? Or did he leave on his own accord? Would be rude of her to ask him such things? She watched his face, once again studying his handsome features. They had a moment awhile ago, but they hadn't spoken since, which was strange to her. Well, maybe not so much, because he was swept away by so many things, and Lola had to stay by Mary's side at all times. She even tried to protect the both of them, so they could have some peace.

That clearly did not happen, because now Sebastian was taking her away to an inn, so she could sleep, and they would both attempt to avoid the truth of what had occurred. She couldn't tell Sebastian about Francis, and she was sure he didn't wish to speak about Mary. This was all kind of complicated, which caused her to sigh heavily. What had they gotten themselves into? She slept with the future King of France, and Sebastian coveted affections for Francis' wife. 

"I assure you, that I will be fine."

She still didn't fight him when he effortlessly placed her on his horse, and when he got hers. Or when he went in front of her while pulling her arms around his waist. Her cheek automatically rested against his back. That overwhelming sadness claimed her again, but it would be obvious when he saw the spots of wetness on his cape. So, Lola just stayed quiet as they rode, but every so often she would find her eyes closing, until a bump startled her awake.

Finally, they arrived at nice little place, it brought Bash some unwanted memories, but when a young woman was in need of some help, then he would always be there to assist them. And there was something about this specific young woman that had him feeling oddly protective over her. Maybe it was the small moment they shared, or perhaps it was because he was a link to Mary. Either way, all he knew was that he had to help her, she wasn't looking too well, and he felt her against him when they rode, every so often her arms around him would slacken around his waist. He worried for her, making sure that she wouldn't fall off the horse.

"Lady Lola? Lola. We have arrived, are you well?"

He was careful not to jostle her, and he waited until she was fully aware before putting his hands around her petite waist and bringing her onto the ground. His lips curved into a smile when he looked down at her face, you could tell how sleepy she was. Without a thought, he tucked a stray curl behind her ear, then linked his arm with hers toward the door. Thoughts swirled within her mind, why was he doing this for her? She mustn't mean anything to him, perhaps she even reminded him of painful things. She dipped her head to watch the ground as they entered the inn, the warmth of it filling her. 

"I am well, thank you."

That was a lie, it was obvious by the pale pallor of her skin. She was naturally pale but this was a little more than just the natural beauty of her porcelain skin. When Bash spotted a bed, Lola was rushed over there, and then he gave her a pointed look. He wasn't going to undress her, that wouldn't be appropriate, however he was going to make sure that she climbed into that bed, and closed her eyes. It was seem unnerving, but he would watch her until she did so.

"Go. Now. No arguments, my Lady."

His voice as firm, but kind. He was more than likely used to caring for his younger brother, and just caring for himself as well. She wasn't used to being the one cared for, she was always the one doing the caring. Lola never thought about about the man ordering her about, but she did as she was told. Lola unclasped the cloak from around her shoulder, folded it, then placed it on a safe spot, and as she did this, her thoughts went back to Sebastian. This man seemed the more mature of the brothers, the more grounded one. It was so odd watching him with Mary, and how he doted on her. It was sweet, and it reminded her of how Colin was with her, perhaps that was why she didn't question the pair. But now there was a sad air about him, she knew how he felt, although she would not do what she had done with Francis. There was only one bed though, it was big enough for the both of them, and she didn't have the heart to make Sebastian wait for his turn to sleep. After getting under the covers, she looked at Bash, then sighed.

"Please, come and rest. You must be tired, I promise to stay on my side. I won't allow you to stay awake a moment longer."

It took a moment for Sebastian to agree, but finally he crawled in with Lola, then shook his head at her. He must be too exhausted himself to argue, and thankfully nobody would come across them, Lola believed she had already enough trouble as it is, and sleeping with Sebastian would cause a lot more of it. She knew though, that he would act like a gentleman, and not lay one finger on her. That caused her to smile, but not before her eyes shut, and she murmured a thank you over to the man beside her. All Sebastian did was watch Lola as she fought for sleep, and then all of sudden she gave into her exhaustion, and starting breathing more slowly.

That was when he fell asleep, to the sound of Lola breathing softly beside him, the warmth of her, and just for a moment he forgot all his worries, and the sadness that burdened his heart.


	3. Chapter 3

Lola remembered the last time she fell asleep in a bed with a man, it wasn't long ago, so as soon as she awoke, she moved as gently as she could out of the bed. Hopefully this time she wouldn't wake the man beside her, and she was thankful that they didn't get too close to one another. She was going to make sure that wouldn't happen again, it was mistake with Francis, and she couldn't bare the thought of hurting Sebastian more than he was already hurting. He was a kind-hearted man, and he deserved someone who was available to love him. Hopefully, he would find a lucky lady who could do just that.

But if only she could just leave him to sleep, and her to continue on with her travela. She had shown her such kindness, and cared for her. Nobody really did that, she was the one who cared for everyone. It was years of being always there for her brothers, even her oldest had to be cared for. However for that moment, hearting that firm voice coming from Sebastian had made her feel warm inside. So, perhaps she would return the favour, and stay to fix them up some food. It was the least she could do, and it wasn't like she wished to wake him. He looked so peaceful, instead of the usual careful mask he had on his face. Perhaps it would cause him to smile as well, it had been some time since she saw him genuinely smile.

She tried so hard not to think about the way Sebastian's face lit up when he smiled, and the little crinkles he got around his eyes. And she mustn't think of those eyes, there were very many moments when she wasn't sure what colour they were, in one light, they looked to be green, but in another, blue. She sighed softly to herself as she prepared the food, she felt a tiny stirring at the thought of Bash, but she knew it couldn't happen. Not when things were so very complicated, right now. He loved Mary, and she...well, she needed to find a suitable husband who would have her. Who would have her though? She had given her virtue to the man she had loved, and without that she was nothing. She was ruined, damaged goods.

"Are you alright, My Lady?"

Hearing Sebastian's voice had shocked her back to reality, and her gaze went to the man looking with concern written on his face. How he cared for so many, when he probably hadn't felt how it was to be cared for. Well, this was her moment to care for Sebastian, finally show him that he didn't have to feel as he did. There were people who saw him more than just a bastard, even that term caused a sour taste to coat her tongue. Sebastian was such a pure soul, he didnt' deserve to treated lke he was nothing, just because his father was the King, and his mother was just a mistress. She gave him her best smile as she nodded, in hopes that this reply would be a suitable one.

"Yes, I'm fine, thank you."

"I don't believe that to be true.

Lola looked at Sebastian, her eyebrows knitting as her lips pressed together. No, of course he would notice, he notices everthing. Being a shadow in the court, he must have seen, and heard many things. He must have been able to become very observant of everything, as well. Now she could continue to deny her true feelings, or she could confess them. She hadn't really allowed herself to unburden her thoughts to anyone, she wasn't quite used to being questioned either. She weighed her thoughts on the matter at hand; it wasn't as if Sebastian would do anything, she hoped that they were friends, so perhaps she could say something to satisfy him.

"I am thinking that seeing you not smile is such a shame. A smile like yours should be shown more often."

That wasn't a lie, however in her expierence putting the focus on the other person usually distracted them enough to not ask further on the subject. But she could see Sebastian's eyebrow raise, as if he didn't believe her, or he was also avoiding the subject. She knew he was hurting, that they both were hurting, it was just who would be th first to confide in the other. Show that they both were able to truth one another. And if sleeping in the same bed was any indication of trust, then she wasn't too sure what was. That right there proved that they both felt comfortable enough to be vulnerable. She sighed to herself, then placed the bowl to the side.

"You are quite kind, Lady Lola. But I have nothing to smile about, although being in your company might change that."

Lola couldn't help the smile that pulled at her lips, which in turn caused Sebastian to smile. She mused to herself for a brief second, before gazing up at him curiously. Could she do this? Could she share with Sebastian what she shared with Francis? It wouldn't the same with him, would it? It wasn't some short-term connection with a man who was trying to distract himself to forget about another. This was just speaking freely with a friend, nothing more. There was no expectations of either of them, and perhaps it would lighten her load, make her feel just a little bit more whole. Perhaps she could help Sebastian speak about Mary, she would understand for him. The only thing was that she wasn't too sure this whole Mary situation was a safe conversation to have with Sebastian. And better yet, telling him about his brother.

There was no guilt when it came to Francis, Lola saw that when she watched him with Mary, it was as if nothing happened between them. She wasn't too sure if that was a good thing, or if she should feel hurt, the way she did. It wasn't something she wanted Mary finding out, although Mary was one of the warmest, most kind-hearted people she ever met. It tore her up instead keeping this little secret to her, that she didn't know what to do.

"I do hope so, Sebastian. We could use a little light in these times."

"As do I.  I know too much of darkness."

Lola's smile was one full of sadness, and her gaze lowered to look at the ground, it still surprised her how much hurt she felt over all that had happened. She didn't blame Mary, for Colin. It really wasn't her fault, she still blamed Catherine. That was another thing she wasn't too sure she could share with Sebastian. She may not be his mother, but she was his Queen, so she was afraid it would offend him. Or perhaps Mary was his Queen. Things at court moved so quickly, it was hard to keep up, and that had trained her to keep her emotions bottled up. It was probably the same for Sebastian, however he seemed to have a lot more freedoms to do as he wished.

"What darkness do you know? I will lend an ear to you, Sebastian. As your friend. Please know that I will always be here, if you need someone."

"And what of you, hm? Who is here for you?"

"I have...Mary. And the others."

"Do you?"

Sebastian did that thing with his eyebrows that said he knew more than most people gave him credit for, and when Lola's gaze returned to Sebastian, she frowned. It truly was hard to keep things from a person who spent all their time in the shadows, where he was capable of observing everything. Taking in an inhale of air, then exhaling it was getting harder for Lola, she still didn't wish to speak of things, but she had that nagging feeling that she should.

"You will think less of me, and to see that look upon your face will crush me."

"I could never, my Lady."

Studying Sebastian's features, his expression was open to her, and hers was filled with the pain of seeing yet another person disappointed with her, seeing her best friend look at her the way that she did, had sent daggers through her heart. But Lola didn't really understand how being a disappointment was something Sebastian was used to, he was a bastard. He wasn't like Francis, in any way. He may have his freedom, but that meant he had no restraints. Sometimes that may not be such a good thing. She gave a curt nod of her head, then led Sebastian to sit with her at the small table. It was intimate, especially for her. But it was time to allow someone with no opinion over things to give her one, and then once she was done, she would listen to Sebastian. She wouldn't take no for an answer.


	4. Chapter 4

The more Lola spoke to Sebastian, the more his expression shifted; perhaps he understood how she felt, or he would tell her how stupid she was for feeling such things for Francis. She already knew how it wasn't the smartest thing she could have done, there were so many repercussions giving yourself to a man. She could have found solace in a friend, but she wasn't really planning on returning to court, or at least not with Francis. She hadn't expected him in Paris, all she wanted to do was clear her brother's debts. Sighing softly to herself, her gaze averted from the man in front of her, and she sighed. She was waiting for Sebastian to scold her, and tell her how horrible of a friend she had been.

Or perhaps that was the inner voice inside her head, telling her, and making her feel guilty. Closing her eyes, she felt the weight of her actions push against her lids, she couldn't, she wouldn't weep in front of Sebastian. She was the strong one, the protector, not the other way around, yet as she stood here in front of Sebastian, she knew that he as well, was a protector, he cared for the ones he loved. She had seen it so many times when Mary. He was a force to be reckoned with, if someone crossed him. Her eyes opened, and when she looked at Sebastian, there was a look on his face. She was expecting pity, however it was concern, understanding, sadness, and so much more that was written on his face. And without even thinking, Sebastian reached out to cup her face.

"Lola..."

In that moment, there was electricity, and when Lola felt it in that small little touch, she backed away. No, this was wrong, she couldn't. Sebastian was Francis' brother, she wouldn't allow it to happen again. She took comfort in Francis' arms, but she couldn't do the same with Sebastian.

"We should leave, or perhaps go our separate ways. I am grateful for your help, Sebastian. Truly I am."

"But...? There is always a but."

Lola didn't want to ice Sebastian out, but it seemed to be the only plausible solution. She didn't want to do something they both would later regret, and she couldn't watch him walk around as if nothing happened. He still loved Mary, so it wouldn't be a good idea. All the thoughts had continued to weigh her down, and she tried to smile at Sebastian.

"There isn't one, I just need to find my brother. "

Sebastian's hands caught hers, in a moment of frustration, and he pulled her closer to him. It wasn't romantic, it was just a friendly reality check. She could feel the warmth of him, and how the storm raged on in his grip of her. He heavily sighed, he didn't want Lola to go, and he knew that this young woman needed some guidance. In fact, they could become good friends, if they helped each other.

"You know that I...we can help each other. Stop doing whatever it is you're doing. You are strong, so very strong. But Lola, let me be here for you. Let me share in your troubles."

She looked at him, really looked at him, but she didn't speak for the longest time. She wasn't too sure what to really do, because last time she let this happened, it ended badly. Could she keep this friendly between her, and Sebastian? She enjoyed his company, and didn't wish to cause trouble for anyone. Mary did love Sebastian as well, would she care to see her spending time with this man? That thought alone upset her, would she ever return back to court? Would Sebastian?

Suddenly she felt unwell, and wished to return back to the bed that they shared. That was the only reason she gave in to Sebastian, or so she told herself. There was more to it, but she ignored everything that she was feeling, perhaps if she returned to rest, then it would all go away.

"Lola...Lola, are you alright? Let me take you back to bed."

All she could do was nod her head, and allow Sebastian to guide her back to their resting place. Was he causing these feelings in her stomach? He wouldn't cause her to become ill, so what was wrong with her? She wanted to ask for him to stay with her, but he was assisting her to take off the heavy clothing. She didn't feel embarrassed, she hasn't the energy to be proper.

"Stay with me?"

"I will not leave your side, my Lady."

She smiled at him as she climbed back into bed, and once he was in with her, she curled herself around his body, just enjoying how very warm he was. Perhaps she had caught cold, so she turned to him, and rested her cheek against his chest, then allowed herself to let go.

"I am scared, Sebastian. Mary..."

"I know, she will come 'round. She loves you dearly, don't worry."

His hand rubbed soothingly over her hair, and back; his words were soft, and the more he continued on, the more he lulled her back into sleep. He couldn't help but rest his own cheek against the top of her raven tresses while trying to comfort the poor girl. He knew that she needed all the rest, she could get. But the thing she couldn't see was the frown that curved his lips. Sebastian knew more than most people did, and he could tell by her behaviour that something was very off with her, so he would help her, if the situation called for it. Until then, he would keep quiet. Oh pretty Lola, the mess that you have fallen into, we shall fall together, you and I. Soon enough you will see how very alike we are; two peas in a pod. 


	5. Chapter 5

Lola woke up to Sebastian holding her so tightly, she felt as if she would burst. She had a nightmare, and he was trying to calm her down, just like he calmed her down earlier. What of him though? Had he rested, or had he been watching over her all this time? The sun seemed to have gone down, she noticed. He let her sleep this long? She was so very tired, so tired in fact, it caused her to feel unwell. This guilt that she felt over sleeping with Francis had taken a toll on her, and she really felt horrid for doing so. If only Mary would forgive her, then perhaps things could be well again, but she wasn't too sure if they could ever return back. She was probably worried that Francis would return to her bed. She knew that she wasn't interested in ruining Mary's marriage, nor did she wished to be Francis' mistress. She wished to be free to love who she wished to love, she didn't want to be owned by anyone.

"Bash?"

"Hm?"

"I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?"

"Everything, I know you didn't expect to care for me. You don't have to stay."

Bash chuckled softly to himself, and she felt the vibrations of it against her cheek, she knew he was still holding her, but his grip on her loosened. Lola wanted to move away, but her body was heavy, and she was so comfortable against Bash. This was wrong though, all she was supposed to do was rest for a moment, and then move on. Hiding her sigh against the fabic of Bash's shirt, she gently moved herself away from him, she knew that they should leave, but she was too tired. She didn't want to leave, where would she really go? She knew she couldn't rely on her brother, she was always the only getting him out of trouble.

"You worry far too much, my Lady. It will be okay."

Sebastian smiled at her to back his words up, and she felt torn. She did worry, but she wasn't like Sebastian. He didn't have any need to worry, but we was away from court, so perhaps he did have something to worry about. What could it be? Mary? Francis? Curiosity caused her to sit in the bed beside Sebastian, and look down at him. She was studying his features a lot lately, just trying to figure him out. He was always that enigma that she couldn't solve. He was always so mysterious.

"Why are you away from court, Sebastian?"

"Mary made her choice, and I will respect that."

Lola understood that more than Sebastian knew, it was just a moment of comfort, but in her heart, she wasn't oblivious to the fact that Francis would go back to Mary. She supposed that perhaps how easily he could act like nothing happened was what hurt most. She couldn't help but feel that way as she watched them happy from their honeymoon. She wanted to tell Mary, but she didn't want to ruin her happiness. She ended up finding out though. It wasn't from Francis though, he continued to act like nothing had happened. At least with Olivia, everyone knew about that. Did that make her below mistress status?

"But your heart says another thing, doesn't it?"

"Yes."

"Don't let her pull you back, Sebastian. You deserved to be loved, everyone does."

Lola tried her best to give Sebastian a smile that would comfort him, he seemed like he needed it. She didn't mean anything but what she said about Mary, it's just matters of the heart complicated things, and caused so much pain for more than one person. It was such a shame that Sebastian had to be caught in the crossfire of this, he was more than just what people said he was. Perhaps this was why he was such a gentleman, he didn't get all that he wanted. She just wished she could tell him how she admired him, and could tell him these things to make him feel better.

"You're most kind, but if it were that easy."

"Love is never easy."

  
There was so much weight in those four words, that Sebastian had to look down at Lola. He heard of Colin, but he didn't really know the details. Nobody really spoke of it, and he never saw Lola get upset over it. He knew she was strong, but this amount of strength in one so strong was very awe inspiring. He wanted to hear it from her, how they could relate to matters of the heart, however he didn't want her to become more upset than she already was. Could he ask her? Perhaps he should wait, yet the silence spoke more than he realized.

"Such a shame, to be tainted so very young by the horrors. I shall never know which is worse, to be loved, or to be never loved at all. Both bring hurt."

"I will never regret Colin, we had loved each other with all our hearts."

"He seemed like a good lad."

"Yes, he was sweet, good, and kind. He would never do horrible things. It's hard to believe what you hear when you are Queen."

"Indeed. I apologize for the loss of your love."

"It will be fine eventually, but thank you."

They smiled at each other, and felt like two friends now. They had bonded over love, and the losses of it. They fully understood one another now, and it was as if something shifted between them. It was odd, how one moment you can be strangers, and then a few words could make a person look, and feel different. Maybe, just maybe they could help one another to heal from their wounds. You don't need a new love to forget the other, you just need a strong shoulder to lean on, until you can support yourself. Lola would support Bash, if he needed her, and vise versa. 

Things between the two were looking a little less darker now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please forgive my delay! I wasn't too sure how to move forward, and I do hope that this will suffice for now. Thank you for your support, and comments. They mean a lot to me!

Travelling with Sebastian had been a lot easier, she still felt a little worn out, however they made the decision to return back to court. It had been some time, and knowing Mary, she wouldn't be cross with Lola for too much longer. They had been best friends for such a long time, that there wasn't anything that could keep them apart. Lola was still nervous though, what if she didn't want her back? What if her appearance stirred up trouble?

Fortunately, Sebastian had picked up on Lola's mood, and tried to persuade a smile to form, by speaking to her about trivial things that amused him, and hopefully her. He could tell that she was worried about going back, he was as well, but the past was the past. There was no reason to linger on it any longer. Too bad Lola didn't see it that way, she was too busy thinking the worst. When it comes to people you care about, it was harder to believe that they were going to forgive you, it was hard because knowing that you upset them causes you your own grief.

Sebastian frowned to himself, then sighed. He didn't wish to have a journey where there would be be upset, he wanted to see Lola smile.

"I understand how you feel, but it will be okay. I will speak to Mary myself, if I must."

"No, I must do this on my own. Thank you, Bash. I do appreciate it."

That's when she glanced over at him, and gave him a smile. Sebastian was always trying to be there for everything, always trying to lend a helping hand no matter what. Even if it would cost him everything, he would rather see those he cared about smiling, and feeling better. Lola did, she felt a little better, but there was still that little ache in the pit of her stomach causing knots. She cared so much for her Queen, and her happiness was all that she wanted for her.

She never thought that doing what she had done would return back to court, she didn't even believe she would go back. What could say to the one she had wronged? Sorry? An apology would never suffice, she would have to prove to Mary that she was indeed feeling the pain over what she had done. Francis meant nothing to her, what they had done was no more than two people seeking comfort in one another.  
Bash watched as the emotions passed over Lola's face, not many could easily decipher them, but he has spent enough time watching people, to know how they worked. Lola was no different from any other young lady, she put her friends before herself, especially her Queen. She was raised that way, and even still, she would never betray her in any way. This wasn't her fault, and she did wish to rectify the situation.

"You are most welcome, my Lady. I am at your service."

"Oh Bash, I can see why Mary cared for you."

"Mm, but I will never be Francis."

They shared a look, both knowing; they both were connected in a way, by Francis and Mary. What if the roles were reversed? It was strange to Lola, thinking of Sebastian being the one to comfort her, however she was glad that it hadn't been him. He didn't deserve to be treated that way, he was far too kind and gentle. In a way, he did comfort her, he was caring for her on their way back to court, and she was grateful.

"Francis will be a good King, but perhaps not being like your brother is a good thing. You are wonderful, and one day you will be loved by someone who will be open to you. Truly open."

"I do hope they are as wise and beautiful as you are."

"Not sure that I am wise."

"We all make mistakes, Lola. Worry not, everything will be well again."

Sebastian returned his gaze to the front, and Lola watched him. How did they not become friends sooner? They had their one time flirtation, after she sat by his bedside, yet after that there was nothing. They had no time to spend with anyone other than who they were supposed to be with. Lola hoped though, that she could find time to spend with Bash, he didn't make her feel like an option, and even though they expected nothing from one another, he had treated her better than she had been treated in some time.

Sebastian had made her feel good, and now she had a genuine smile on her lips as she continued to travel with her companion. Maybe her newfound friendship would show Mary that she didn't wish to come between her and Francis. Hopefully things would go well...


	7. Chapter 7

Lola and Sebastian had slowly made their way back to the castle, but what if they stayed away permanently? Why return to court, when you weren't wanted, nor needed? Mary was capable of caring for herself, and she now had Francis. She didn't need Lola any longer. When was the last time she had done her duty for the Queen?

She thought about this as she rode down the path, what if Sebastian wished to return to court? He still had his father, and brother there, even if Francis didn't enjoy the time that Mary and Bash shared, they would forgive one another with time. Lola felt at sorts with herself. She wanted to go back, she would be safe, however on the other hand, she would be forced back into all the politics of things, as well as see Francis. There could be all kind of tension between the four of them, and that wasn't what she had wanted.

What if she could start a new life? A life that was quiet, a life where she didn't have to worry about whether or not her best friend was still her best friend, or if the other girls were secretly judging her. She would find a suitable husband, and marry. Things would be simple, and she could lead a happy life without being at the French court, and even if her family didn't approve, they would have to accept it, because at least she would be a married woman, and produce offspring.

"Do you ever think about life away from court, Sebastian?"

"Sometimes, yes."

"Would you?"

"I am the son of the King."

"I'm sorry."

For what she was sorry for, there were numerous reasons, however she was mostly sorry she had brought it up. Perhaps Bash thought about it with Mary, if she weren't a Queen, and him a bastard. If only they knew that he was more than just a bastard, he was so much more.

Lola would return to court for Bash, he was her friend, and she didn't wish to be alone. She did was to see Mary, but it would be hard to see that look in her eyes, the look that would show her distrust of Lola. She had no need to become a mistress, and by the looks of how she left things, Francis and Mary were very much in love. She would never wish to ruin her best friend's happiness. She would have to stay out of the way, and prove her worth to her Queen.

"Do you, Lola? Think of it?"

"Yes, things would be far more simple. Some have none, but sometimes that is better."

"Mm, perhaps. Don't you enjoy living in luxury?"

"What use is it, when you have nobody to share it with? I'd rather live a life with love, and happiness, then alone, and rich."

"That would be nice, although I do enjoy my freedom."

"Of course. You will make a good husband one day."

"And you, a good wife."

They smiled at each other for a moment, and Lola wondered to herself if they should take a break. They had been riding for awhile, even if it hadn't been too fast, she still was a horrible rider, and would probably need to stop soon.

"If you could have a normal life, what would you have, Bash?"

"My life is kind of normal, don't you think? I may be the King's son, but I have none of the pressure my brother has."

"Ah, yes. That is true, I suppose.

She didn't really think about it, but Bash did have somewhat of a normal life. He could roam the castle, as he wished, the King didn't expect anything of him, only to stay out of trouble. If only she could have that. Maybe one day she will have that, when she was married. Then she could sit back, and worry about pleasing her husband.

Too bad finding a suitable husband was harder than it seemed.


	8. Chapter 8

Life had taken a funny turn, since Lola and Sebastian had returned to the castle. Lola had proven to Mary that she had no desire to be with Francis, that is was a one time thing, however Mary had asked about Sebastian. It was innocent, Lola had made sure to tell her. He had brought her home, and that was all that had happened.

She needed a proper husband, a husband that would not upset her Queen. She still had a suspicion that Mary had some lingering feelings for Sebastian, even though she was married to Francis. You can’t just be around Bash, and not form some sort of attachment to the man. Sometimes, when she was staring out of the window, she wondered what it would be like, being married to Sebastian. Would they be an accepted match? It wasn't like Lola cared much for the amount of money a man had, or if he had land. She wanted a man with whom she could love, and be with for the rest of her life.

                                       -----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There were moments when Sebastian watched her, concern written in his pale eyes. She had been a tad ill, and he wondered if more happened than just the brief union between his brother, and this lovely young lady. She did seem fine now, however but that didn't mean he wouldn't watch over her, just to make sure. What would he do though, if he found out that she was with child? Offer to marry her? Care for Lola? What of Mary, and Francis? Should they know? Of course, they should, but it was up to Lola to tell them.

Of course, he would have to have a word with Lola, just so she knew that he would be a friend to her, if she needed one. He needed her to know that she was never alone, and no matter what happened, he would be there. Perhaps he would help her find a suitor to marry, so that she wasn’t without the aid of a gentleman. But the thought of Lola being with another man, had an odd effect on him. He wanted to be the one to protect her, not some random stranger. What if the man had nefarious intentions on his Lola? He couldn't stand by while he watched her weep over a man who only wished to wed her for her money.

Or maybe Sebastian was coming up with excuses because he found himself wanting to be that man to take care of Lady Lola. They had spent a number of weeks alone together, and it was as if they had an unspoken connection, from the moment she visited him in the infirmary. Now it was his turn to care for Lola, pay back all the kindness she had shown him with his own.

So, when he was able to get the dark-haired woman alone, he smiled down at her, then hooked his arm with hers, to walk her down a random path outside. The wind gently brushed the raven locks away from her angelic features, which he noticed a little more than before.

“Are you well, Lady Lola?”

“Very well, thank you. And yourself?”

“Well enough. How you been ill, at all lately?”

“It has passed.”

Sebastian couldn't help by eye Lola’s belly, he tried to picture it swollen with child, but she had her shawl wrapped around her slender frame, keeping it hidden from view. Was she harbouring a secret, or was she just a tad chilly? The jewels on her dainty finger sparkled ruby red, and it made him think.

“And you are sure about this?”

“I saw the physician, she said I am healthy, nothing wrong! Everything is the same as before.”

He heard the underlying words in her statement, so she wasn’t with child, or so she said. Lola was an honest woman, which was something that he always admired in her. He admired very many qualities in the woman walking beside him, and that they were alike in many ways. He wasn’t all too sure why she chose to find solace in Francis’ arms. Was it because he was the future King of France, and he a mere bastard? He had nothing to offer, and she could rise in status if she were to become Francis’ mistress, not that she would do such a thing. He really didn’t didn’t know very much of Lola. Who knew if she would, all he knew was that she was fiercely loyal, and spoke her mind. So perhaps not.

“You know, Lola. I would help you, if you ever did need it. I am your friend, just remember that.”

“And I appreciate that, Sebastian. Truly. As I will be here for you.”

They shared a smile, their eyes locking for a moment longer than usual, there were moments in those lingering gazes, that only they knew of. They knew of each other’s warmth more than anyone else, and how the embraces they shared were what had brought them comfort.

But did she know what he was implying? That he was offering her a safe option, if she was keeping this secret to herself, ashamed of what people would think of her. He would, because he was a gentleman, and didn’t wish to see someone take advantage of this delicate situation. Plus, the thought of being wed to Lola, didn’t seem like a horrible one, albeit being the father to his brother’s bastard, might be a tad odd to him. A bastard being a father to a bastard. At least he would know how to treat the child.

“Thank you, my Lady. Shall we continue on with our walk, or do have things to do for Mary?”

“You can have me for a little longer, I’m sure Mary will understand.”

“I was hoping you would say that.”

Another smile, and Lola’s free hand placed on Sebastian’s arm while their bodies inched just that much closer to one another’s. It seemed the time away from court had brought them closer, and even it had caused them to cling to each other, for the thought of being with another person, brought a bit of panic. They still may need a little longer to adjust being back, however if they had each other than they could do that just fine.


	9. Chapter 9

More time had passed, and the more time Sebastian and Lola had spent together, the more that their relationship grew. Thankfully, Mary had seen the two begin to blossom into something more than just mere acquaintances.

Lola had learned that Sebastian had prefered to be called Bash, that he was a kind, gentle soul, that loved with everything that he had, and he did everything he could for the one he cared for. She knew that, based on what she had seen with Mary, but she never knew the extent of it. He made her feel important, more than just a Lady-In-Waiting, he took her for private walks around the castle, however he wanted everything to be so perfect -- because he knew how much she had loved Colin -- that he took things so slowly, that it drove Lola crazy. She wanted him to kiss her, but he had only smiled, and spoke to her in hushed tones, that she must be patient.

He didn't want to rush anything too quickly, maybe because things with Mary were rushed, or that he wanted to make a lasting impression on his new lady. Little did Sebastian know, that he did.

She would always remember the words he spoke to her on that day when she dressed as a goddess, and saw him practicing with his sword outside. She did know better than to fall under those charms, yet he made her so easily smile after thinking to herself, that she wouldn't be able to, not after the death of her first love. That had been such a bleak time, so dark and sad.

But Sebastian had been her guiding light, he brought a sort of happiness, and lightness to her, that had her feeling better than ever. Bash had a way with words, and he knew exactly what to say to her. He even knew when she was feeling a little under the weather, or when she was remembering Colin; even in her moments of contemplation, and he found her standing at her usual spot by any number of windows, just staring out, and thinking. Usually she would be in her chambers, that was the window she favoured most.

Of course, Bash would quietly slip into her room, making sure nobody would see him, Lola’s reputation was important to her, which means it was important to him too.

The floral scent was the second thing he noticed, the first was the way Lola’s curls hung down her back, the darkness contrasting against the paleness of her skin, and then her profile. The straightness of her nose, the plushness of her lips, her eyebrows that were drawn together as her sapphire hues traveled across the glass, taking in the information that was in front of her.

Sebastian just watched her, taking advantage of the fact that she hadn't noticed him yet, not until the whispered calling of her name had reached her ears, then that gaze had fallen onto him. Surprise had flitted over her delicate features, as if the sight of him in her room was a foreign concept to her, but as soon as it was there, it vanished.

The way she said his name wasn’t like the way Mary had said it, there was no strings tied to it, nothing holding it down, no duty, or obligation to keep someone else safe, he wasn't being used as a second choice. There wasn't that tone, the one where it sounded more like a question, in that way that was her way trying to convince herself to what she was doing was right.

No, Lola spoke in her soft voice, her face open, and sweet, just waiting for him to fill the void with the sound of his voice, perhaps to state his intention in her room, but she was satisfied just looking back at him. Lola drank in each feature, memorized the line of Sebastian’s jaw, the curve of his mouth. Maybe she thought that she wouldn't see him again, or thought that she wouldn’t be able to look at him like this, without the threat of someone catching her, not that it would really matter. She was just a silly girl with a crush.

Being looked upon like this was something that Sebastian always wished how Mary would look at him, but having this young lady look at him, in this way made his heart beat a little faster. He didn't think he was capable of this, not after what had happened, however standing here with this girl, who was just a girl, could he close the distance? Chance it? He didn't wish for Lola to have her reputation questioned. He couldn't do much to help her, yet all he wished to do was to press his lips to hers, to tangle his fingers in her dark curls, and ghost his breath over her porcelain skin.

“Bash?”

"Yes, my Lady?”

“Is everything alright?”

Yes, everything was more than alright. He was feeling things for someone who wasn’t Mary, and it pleased him. He thought he would never get over the Queen, but he was here with Lola, looking down at her, watching the tiny frown pucker her forehead, and her lips turn down to show her concern.

“I just wished to see you, make sure that you’re well. I hope I’m not intruding.”

“No, of course not.”

Sebastian moved closer to Lola very slowly, like he was approaching one of his mares; he didn’t want to spook her, but he also knew very well that he was in a contemplative mood, and perhaps needed some comfort. Lola did however, speak freely with him, he did act like a confidante, especially when the subject was as delicate as this one.

“Are you thinking of him again?”

“I never stop thinking of him.”

No further words had to be spoken, he took her into his arms, and held her close. Her ear pressed to his chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart. This had happened times before, always when they had no spectators. She always confessed they way she had missed the Scottish boy, how it was unfair that he died so early in life. What if they had gotten married? She would never see their children, or wake beside the man that she had loved. She never cared that he was low-born, she loved who he was, and how sweet he was to her. How much he cared for her. He found all the money he could, because he couldn't spend one day without her.

They loved each other, the way a man and woman should. She told him that, and he knew that she fully trusted him with that information. She gave this boy her virtue, yet he couldn't care less. All he wanted was her to be happy, and he wished he could be the one to make her smile.

Perhaps he could show her, that she could love again, and he would. No matter how long it took, he would treat her like a Queen, just to see the light fill up her face. With practiced digits, he smoothed them over her silken hair, soothing her with his arm around her frame, and his cheek pressed against her head.

He made that vow silently to himself, the one where he would see his lady smile, and to make her these dark thoughts disappear from that intelligent mind. He wanted Lola to think of her first love, but hope that he could be her second.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the super long wait, I lost inspiration, however I have finally managed to update. Except this is the last chapter.

Lola sat in the garden, listening to the quiet hum of the bees, and letting the slight breeze play with her dark tresses. There was a small smile playing on her lips, her and Mary finally were fully at peace with one another. The whole Francis thing was behind them, which made her very happy. She had missed her best friend, she missed speaking with her. Now though, she had a new distraction, a tall, dark and handsome one. Sebastian and her had been very careful, and precise, he made her promise to take everything slow.

There would be no falling into bed with one another, he would court her like a proper gentleman, because despite his title, that was what he was. He made Lola laugh, like no other had before, he made her feel special in a room full of people, he would whisper things into her ear, to make her blush. He liked the way she glared at him, or the way she pressed her plush lips together, then scolded him about being in public.

“What if someone overhears you, Sebastian?”

Her words came out in a heated whisper, because this man had infuriated her, and made her feel things she hadn’t felt since Colin. She would say Francis, but she didn’t feel lust for Sebastian the way she did with his brother. Sometimes she wondered how strange it was, that she had been with Sebastian’s brother, however when he caught her with that look on her face, he hushed her, then placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

“Bash, my Lady.”

“It is Sebastian when I am cross with you.”

“What a shame, now I must find a way to distract you from such thoughts.”

There was a cheeky grin on his lips, while Lola just stared at him and rolled her eyes. She knew this game, it was the one when she feigned anger at Bash, and then he attempted to make her forget that she was irritated at him for making her feel such a way. And most of the time he won, except for the few times she turned the tables on him and frustrated him until the point he almost gave up on the promise he had made them make.

Of course, that was when she reminded him of their vow, and she kissed his cheek, then bounded down the hallway to get her chores done for Mary. It was a hard game to play, however it made the both of them crave the other more and more. This was the woman he would marry, sooner or later. Hopefully sooner though, but he wanted to find the perfect moment to ask her. Marriage was a tricky subject for Bash, he wanted to make sure that he didn’t rush it, or have Lola say yes out of obligation. He wanted them to truly wish for it to happen. He didn’t want Lola to want to marry him, because she needed a husband, or to secure her fortune. He knew she was wealthy, however that didn’t matter much to him.

They spoke of having children, and what they would do in the future, it was funny how they weren’t afraid of speaking such things. It all felt right, everything with Lola felt right, they just fit. She was perfect in every way, and they really were two peas in a pod. They understood one another, could read the other like a book, and was always there when they both needed the other. It was funny to Bash how certain circumstances could lead people together, how tragedy could make people closer. He sometimes was tempted to thank Francis, and Mary for what they had done, however he refrained because that wouldn’t be right. To thank his brother, and his wife both sending Lola away, because they had made that mistake.

He also didn’t care about her virtue, he was going to marry her because he loved her, he loved her when she was sad, when she was happy, or when she was pretending to be upset with him, so that he would kiss the frown away. He especially loved her when her eyes sparkled, and she smiled at him, or when they hid away in their secret spot to talk, and touch hands. But then Lola would move ever so slightly closer to him, and rest her head against his shoulder, then skim her lips over his throat to whisper in his ear about how happy she was, and to thank him for it.

“I never thought I could love again, Bash. Not after Colin.”

“I do believe I know what you mean.”

“Oh good, I’m glad. I did mean what I said at the inn.”

“That I’m charming, and very handsome?”

“No! You are, but no. That you deserve to be loved.”

There was that smile that Lola loved so much, she even enjoyed the way it made Bash’s eyes light up with pure joy. It made her feel warm all over, and elated. It felt good to bring happiness to someone, especially someone like Bash, who wasn’t used to this. But then there was an innocent expression of his face, as he tried to attempt to charm her into giving the answer he would so wished to hear.

“What are you saying, Lady Lola?”

“You know exactly what I am saying.”

“No, pray tell.”

“Sebastian.”

Lola liked that they could banter with one another, that they were comfortable enough to tease each other, and they knew nobody would take offense. Lola knew only too well, that look on Bash’s face was full of mischief. She rolled her eyes, as she shook her head, she would say it but not before she made Bash beg a little.

“Lola.”

“Yes?”

“What is it that you wish to tell me?”

“You're charming, and handsome?”

“Apart from that.”

“I love you, Sebastian.”

“And I love you, my Lady.”

                            ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

With their confessions of love out in the open, and the fact that they both knew how much they truly loved the other, Bash had asked Lola to be his wife as the sun was setting, out in the gardens where the bees hummed, and the breeze played with Lola’s hair.

Bash didn't hold back when he kissed Lola, nor did he take things slow. Well, he would wait until their wedding night to consummate their love, which was the second best night of their lives. The next best was when Lola found herself with child, then they planned how things would go, as well as what they would call the child. Lola hoped that it would take after Bash, and Bash thought the same about Lola; either way they would have beautiful children with dark curls, and pale eyes. 

Lola couldn't have felt more happy to know that she was going to have Bash's child, she loved him and he loved her with every fibre of their being. He would be an amazing father, and she wouldn't have it any other way. He was even amazing with her glowing form, and was there when she was ill, and when she had odd cravings. Of course, he teased her about it, but he went to get whatever her heart desired, and thankfully for Bash, her heart desired him. Forever more.


End file.
